I went to an allergist today and got a series of skin tests. Here are my results:

Foods I am not allergic to:
( Big long list )

Foods I am allergic to:

• Dust mites

Okay, technically that was not a food (even if I might inhale them in my sleep--you're welcome, I'm sure you needed that image). But the two dust mite allergens did produce impressive welts on my arm. And I got to watch a five-minute educational video that was a thinly-veiled advertisement for a certain brand of pillow and mattress covers whose name I will not deign to acknowledge.